Adam Hicks
Author
Freshman QB Bryce Underwood turned in a sunglasses-worthy highlight-reel performance vs. Central Michigan, grabbing 349 total yards with three TDs. He led his team in rushing with 114 yards, with two of his three touchdowns coming via the ground game, and also tossed the rock for 235 yards. This was the most total yards by a Michigan QB since Devin Gardner in 2013.
Yes, it’s just Central Michigan. And yes, it’s ironic that this particular opponent is tied to last season’s most bizarre subplot — one involving a mystery man with a beard and sunglasses on the CMU sideline (Connor Stallions). Let’s call this what it is: poetic, weird, and a wildly satisfying 63-3 win for Michigan.
Southern Cal and Purdue made their Big Ten debut with all the delayed drama of a mid-season sitcom finale: They dealt with a three-hour weather delay, an out-of-time-zone curse to break, and the prize — a defensive tackle rumbling 70 yards for a touchdown.
QB Jayden Maiava looked cool and collected, going 17-of-28 for 282 yards and a rushing TD on the way to a 33-17 victory. Not bad for a guy who had to wait until almost midnight Eastern to start cooking. WR Ja’Kobi Lane decided to be un-guardable for the night, racking up 115 yards on just 3 catches. But the real scene-stealer—not sign Michigan? Jamaal Jarrett, a 6-foot-5, 330-pound defensive tackle, snagged a pick and rumbled 70 yards to the house.
Purdue’s night? Get Rocky’s answer after fighting Creed for the first time. Purdue also doesn’t want a rematch. QB Ryan Browne threw for 305 yards and 1 touchdown, which on paper looks solid, until you remember he also threw three picks, took four sacks, and ran a red-zone offense that couldn’t punch in a password, let alone a touchdown. Purdue looked as disciplined as your toddler’s first soccer practice—those damn dandelions.
In a shocking twist that surprised absolutely no one, the Oregon Ducks managed to cruise past football powerhouse Northwestern 34-14. Yes, that Northwestern—the school known more for journalism degrees and politely enthusiastic fans than football dominance.
Oregon, armed with neon uniforms, overwhelmed the Wildcats 34–14. The Ducks racked up 373 total yards, including 197 through the air, while their running back Dierre Hill Jr. had 5 carries for 94 yards and a TD.
Northwestern’s 313 total yards included 135 from Preston Stone, whose 11-of-21 passing line was marred by two interceptions that Oregon gladly capitalized on. Northwestern’s best chance was for Oregon to make a boatload of mistakes—spoiler alert: they didn’t.
UCLA’s football team looked absolutely awful in their 35-10 loss to New Mexico, a complete joke from start to finish. The Bruins showed no fight, no discipline, and no sense of urgency. Their offense was sloppy, riddled with mistakes and missed chances, while the defense got gashed repeatedly. It was embarrassing to watch a BIG program get outplayed by a Group of Five opponent for the second time this season. This performance screamed unprepared and undisciplined, raising serious doubts about UCLA’s coaching and leadership—much like Foster’s first BIG Ten Media Day preparation. If they want to salvage this season, they need a serious wake-up call. This showing was nothing short of a disaster.
Say that title 5 times fast after having a few brews. It was a rough Saturday for Wisconsin as the Badgers fell 38-14 to No. 19 Alabama in Tuscaloosa. Missing starting QB Billy Edwards, the offense never found its rhythm. Backup Danny O’Neil threw for 117 yards.
The Badgers managed just 209 total yards, while Bama QB Ty Simpson lit up the secondary with four touchdown passes. The defense fought hard to stop the run, but it wasn’t enough. By the fourth quarter, most Wisconsin fans were reaching for a cold Spotted Cow—not in celebration, but to wash down a tough loss.
The Golden Bears ate up Minnesota in the second half of a 27–14 win. Cal’s offense, led by Jaron-Keawe Sagapolutele, chewed up yardage like it was root vegetables at Schrute Farms. The Gophers struck early but fizzled out in the second half.
Somewhere, Dwight probably updated his personal doctrine on bears. Cal’s defense swarmed like they were Mose defending the beet field from these rodents. In the end, it wasn’t Battlestar Galactica but it was a second-half beatdown.
Jim left a mini football stuck in Jell-O in Koi Perich’s locker with a note: “Koi’s ball security training,” because deciding not to pick up a rolling punt is not an easy choice.
Indiana steamrolled Indiana State 73-0, proving they can definitely handle the FCS for the second time. (Cig—I googled it.) Hoosier QB Fernando Mendoza accounted for, count them, 6 touchdowns, and RB Khobie Martin went 11 carries for 109 yards and 2 TDs. After this walk in the park, the Hoosiers face a real challenge next week against the top 10-ranked Illinois. Let’s see if they can bring the same energy when someone is playing a team with a pulse.
In a game where the mascot beef had more hype than the ball game. Fans wanted the mascot beef to continue after the famous Rufus vs. Brutus 15 years ago, but all they got was a cheesy tug-of-war. Ohio State overcame a sluggish first half and some hilarious red-zone struggles to pull away for a 37–9 win over the Ohio Bobcats. Freshman running back Lamar “Bo” Jackson stole the show with 109 yards on just 9 carries. Quarterback Julian Sayin threw for 347 yards and 3 touchdowns, with wide receiver Jeremiah Smith recording 9 receptions for 153 yards and 2 touchdowns.
Penn State thumped Villanova 52–6 yesterday, and in true courageous fashion, immediately decided they’re done with real out-of-conference games because, clearly, the risk of playing someone with a pulse is just too great. Beating up on a smaller FCS school while pretending it was some kind of gladiator bout is exactly the kind of delusion that keeps the Nittany Lions “are back” going every year. Meanwhile, Villanova walked away with a check and zero expectations. Penn State, when your playoff run collapses, you might as well hang a banner for conquering the CAA, right?
Illinois stomped Western Michigan 38‑0, and Luke Altmyer is just flat‑out playing great: he went 17‑of‑26 for 196 passing yards with two passing touchdowns and added another score on the ground. Hank Beatty had a solid outing too, grabbing six catches for 53 yards and hauling in a touchdown. The Illini ground game dominated as well, with Kaden Feagin racking up 100 yards and a touchdown. Now, all eyes turn to next week’s top 25 showdown with Indiana.
Nebraska feasted on the last cupcake in Lincoln, steamrolling Houston Christian 59–7 in a game that was over faster than you could say “FCS mismatch.” Dylan Raiola tossed two touchdowns, Emmett Johnson ran for two more, and by halftime, it was 52–0. The Huskers racked up over 550 yards of offense. Fans got their cupcake sugar rush, but the real diet starts next week. With Michigan looming, we’ll find out if Nebraska’s ready for the meat and potatoes of the schedule or just addicted to frosting and Rhule-Aid.
Maryland defeated Towson 44–17 yesterday in a game that was about as exciting as your old shop teacher explaining the use of turpentine. Freshman quarterback Malik Washington threw for 261 yards and a touchdown & added a rushing score, while Octavian Smith Jr. racked up 103 receiving yards. La’khi Roland even treated fans to a 100-yard interception return for a touchdown, a rare splash of color in an otherwise beige afternoon.
Rutgers crushed Norfolk State 60–10 yesterday, because apparently, warm-up nap games were the theme of the BIG once again. Athan Kaliakmanis threw for 309 yards and a touchdown, while Antwan Raymond ran in 2 TDs. Real riveting stuff if you’re into these sorts of games. Sure, you could hang your hat on an overtime Georgia vs. Tennessee thriller, but why? Special teams got in on the snooze fest too, blocking punts for touchdowns.
Michigan State beat Youngstown State 41–24 yesterday in a game that delivered just enough action to keep fans from napping entirely. Quarterback Aidan Chiles threw for 270 yards and a touchdown, while also rushing for 76 yards. Nick Marsh caught six passes for 94 yards before limping off with a leg injury. Yawn. At least they’re on the road vs. SC next week.
Iowa stunned everyone by scoring a surprising 47 points against UMass yesterday—yes, you read that correctly, 47! Quarterback Mark Gronowski threw for 179 yards and two tuddies, leading the offense to an unexpected outburst. Special teams also got in on the action, with Kaden Wetjen returning a 95-yard punt for a touchdown. Who knew Iowa had it in them to put up numbers like that?
Stephen Leonard
Ohio State Writer
The historic rivalry game between the Oregon Ducks (3-0) and Oregon State Beavers (0-3) is back and ready to excite. No matter where the teams stand in rankings, rivalry games are always a different ball game.
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